Let’s talk about consent
Tits and tats about consent
It takes tremendous bravery to show up as your queer, authentic self day after day. To do so in a country that criminalizes homosexuality, to do so while grabbing a microphone and attracting thousands to taboo conversations of sexual identity, sexual health, and consent? We’re here for that.
In this week’s episode, Sabrina speaks with Kaz in Kenya. Host of The Spread, Kaz produces a sex-positive podcast that creates a safe space for people to understand and live confidently in their sexuality. They are talking about her experience overcoming sexual assault and revenge porn and what we all can learn from bondage, discipline, dominance and submission and sadomasochism (BDSM) about consent. The conversation inspired us to dig deep in the world wide web to round up some of the most thought provoking content around consent. Here’s what we found.
It’s time to start talking
Talking About Sex
- If you’re wondering when to talk to your kids about sex or how to even start those conversations, check out these Tips for Talking with Your Kids about Sex.
- Consent starts with communication and conversation, but in a culture in which sex remains a taboo topic, that’s often easier said than done. Dig into these tips for talking with a partner about sex.
- As Kaz explains in this week’s episode, one of the best things we can do to teach kids about consent is to not wait to talk about consent only in terms of sex. Bookmark this page for age-appropriate ways to talk to kids about consent, whether they’re 1 or 21.
Consent
- We love a good metaphor: consent is like tea.
- We also love a good acronym: consent = FRIES.
- When we talk about sexual activity, we often somehow end up talking about baseball (“First base, second base, third base,” “Pitcher,” “Catcher,” “Strike out”). In this captivating TED Talk, Al Vernacchio argues we should instead be talking about pizza. You’re going to love why.
- A 30-minute documentary, exploring the intricacies of consent, including a restorative justice session between a survivor and her assailant–ten years after the fact.*
BDSM
- Those in the BDSM community often use the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual.” What does that look like?
- A three-part series from one of our other favorite podcasts, Radiolab. They go from college roundtables to a BDSM workshop to explore the grey areas of consent*.
- When you think of BDSM, you may very well think of Fifty Shades of Grey, the wildly popular book trilogy that sold two copies every second during its peak in the early 2010s. Here’s why that’s a problem.*
- 5 dominatrices explain how they got into BDSM, what role consent plays in their sessions, and what they’ve learned about consent since entering the BDSM world. “Through BDSM and sex work, consent became both a common word and a nuanced idea,” says one.
- A Major League Baseball star, sexual encounters that BDSM experts say break every rule in the book, and a high-profile example of how legal systems are struggling to interpret consent in relationship to BDSM*.
- Kaz’s TED Talk is a hilarious and oh so welcome perspective on what we can learn from BDSM and how we talk about and teach about consent